Delirium
by AsamiAllGrownUp
Summary: Kakashi was not okay. What made it obvious wasn't how terrible his answers were; it was how perfectly he was able to give the answers they wanted to hear. A story about how Kakashi's PTSD should have been written. Dark fic. Violence, swearing, implied lemons
1. Chapter 1

_Warning:_ _I didn't think Kakashi's PTSD was covered well enough, so I decided to do it better. Considering I specialise in the sick and twisted (though I've never really posted any on here before), you should be able to work out what to expect. Violence, implied sex, lots of swearing, you get the picture. It's rated M for a reason._

 _If Kakashi seems OOC, that's 'cause I've based his character off what he would be like (knowing his back story) with PTSD. He rounds himself out by the end, so don't worry, hopefully you can grasp the fact he's not quite right and everyone knows he needs help to become the goofy, aloof, secretive ninja we've grown to love. Review, tell me if you love it or you hate it and follow! Now that's over with, enjoy!  
_

 _Obligatory Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto._

* * *

 ** _Delirium_**

Kakashi knelt in front of the Hokage's desk, one knee up while the other was on the floor, his head lowered to show respect. The ANBU operative knew not to be rude; his behaviour had been under incredible scrutiny the entire time he'd been a member of the elite ninja directly under the Hokage's command. Sometimes, though very rarely, it was even beaten into them. "Stand up, Kakashi."

Kakashi did as he was told, standing up with his hands behind his back, feeling the shift of his ANBU mask on his shoulder as it tapped lightly against his skin, reminding him of the small cuts he had obtained whilst away from the village. They didn't hurt, the feeling just reminding him that they were there. It almost itched, though he refrained from scratching them as not to draw attention. "Yes, Lord Hokage, sir."

The Third Hokage wasn't a naïve man; he watched Kakashi with careful eyes, looking him over. Something was off, though that seemed normal about the silver haired man these days. "Have you been to the hospital yet?"

Kakashi shook his head, grabbing his mask as he heard it tapping against the blade strapped to his back, forcing it to stop. "No."

"Why not?" the Hokage asked. It wasn't as if the discussion about the mission that Kakashi had been sent on was crucial; the short visit to the hospital would not have gone astray, particularly when the cuts along his skin gave the elderly man the impression they'd easily get infected. None were deep - well, at least that he could see - but they were a mixture of long and short. It looked like someone had been... scratching him. That was an unusual tactic to say the least and there was nothing about it in the report. He must have neglected it on purpose unless they'd somehow manifested since the morning, though that was even less likely.

Kakashi's stern expression didn't waver. "Because I didn't think it was necessary. I have all I need to care for my minor wounds at home," he said, a miniscule pause filling the gap before he spoke gain. "And, quite frankly, I think everybody knows my relationship with hospitals, Lord Hokage."

The Hokage gave a single nod. "Yes, we do," he replied, recalling a particular story where Kakashi had decided to leave early without notifying the nurses. His home was searched and frequent places he'd been known visit; the Hokage had almost sent out a search party when the silver haired ninja casually walked into his office to request his next mission.

The Hokage cleared his throat. "Very well. Your report that you submitted earlier claims the woman told you all of the information you obtained."

"Yes, Lord Hokage."

 _"They're planning to revoke the peace treaty. When the next group of ninja visit the village, tey're going to slaughter them," she breathed as he felt her moving beneath him. His hand sat on her throat, enough to give pressure but not enough to choke to death, though he could easily choke her harder if he decided to._

"Right. And she just told you this?" the Hokage asked, leaning forward a little more."Well, there was some coaxing of information required," Kakashi drew the kunai slowly up her leg, grazing into her skin enough to sting but nothing else. A tiny drop of blood spilled down her leg but that was all. She moved under him again, gasping as she grabbed at his shoulders, digging in her nails. "What do you know about the Earth village?"

The third Hokage frowned. Kakashi had never been one for interrogation; it took too long. That said, he did seem particularly cryptic this time. "Torture?"

Kakashi shook his head. In all of the years he'd been out on missions, he was kill first and ask questions later. Or he'd ask the questions and kill them after. Never did the two intermingle; if he had to torture them for information, he was better off bringing them back to Ibiki who would at least do it right. "Definitely not. Torture is not my style, Lord Hokage."

 _He pushed her down, biting into her skin enough he could see the dents, blood pooling under the surface. She moved again. "Kakashi..." she groaned, biting her lip to escape the pain that coursed through her. She pulled on her restraints, crying out as he did it again. He sat just above her skin, so close she could feel the imminence of another bite but it just wouldn't come. It was worse than if he'd left her there to bleed out, not that she was bleeding enough to do so in the first place._

 _"Are you going to tell me?"_

 _The woman grinned. "Not yet."_

The Hokage raised an eyebrow. "So you threatened her and she told you?" he asked and was more confused when Kakashi shook his head again. What in all of the land of fire had happened? By all accounts, it didn't make sense. Who in their right mind would just tell someone information that confirmed imminent war. "Genjutsu?" Another shake of the silver mop that lay atop the future sixth hokage's head.

 _"Hey, what do you look like under the mask?" the woman asked and Kakashi frowned. "I'll tell you about the Earth village's plans. The obvious confirmed for a sneak peak at the infamous cold-blooded copy ninja's face? What do you say?"_

 _Kakashi felt her hand creep up his arm. He grabbed her and watched her expression change as he did so, even more so when he gripped tighter. "Do you think I am here to hear your bullshit?"_

 _"No, I think I'm tired of this pussy-footing around. If they want war, start fighting already. Some of us know what we want; we're tired of hiding it," she replied. She smiled as she moved her fingers under the edge of his mask. He didn't even hesitate, watching as the white ANBU mask came off, revealing the black mask underneath. "Now, that's unfair."_

 _"A deal is a deal."_

 _"We didn't shake on it."_

 _Kakashi sighed. He felt her hand running up his arm again. He hadn't been touched there by anyone unless it was by a medic in years. Kushina was probably the last, though even that had a different connotation to it. That was almost motherly. Then there was Rin before that; Rin was much more subtle and innocent._

 _He snatched her hand, moving it behind her back in a single movement as she leaned back, pulling him closer. Their bodies collided, stuck to each other as she grinned, a look of satisfaction on her face. He could smell her, his nose buried in her hair. When was he last this close to someone? Never? She leaned in and began to tug on the side of the black cloth, her lips sneaking in to kiss the tender skin underneath. "I have a better deal."_

The Hokage sat in thought for moment. Had he heard what he just thought Kakashi had said? "A deal?"

"She wanted to see my face. She'd heard that no one had seen it and wanted to be the only one," Kakashi replied, giving a single nod.

"That's it?"

"Yes," Kakashi replied.

The Hokage frowned. That made even less sense. Who would trade their life or the secrets of their country for the sake of seeing a man's face. Even if it was Kakashi's. "So why'd you have to kill her? She had marks all over according to the med report."

Kakashi didn't hesitate for a second. "Living to tell anyone wasn't part of the deal."

 _She pushed him just enough to make him retaliate reflexively; pushing her to the ground as she groaned. Kakashi grabbed tighter, hoping to exhibit a different response than the one he was getting. "Tell me."_

 _She stayed silent, staring at him. He put a hand to his weapons pouch, holding the metal tip against her leg. There was no look of distress as her eyes almost pleaded him to go on. He scratched it over her skin and she moaned. "Get it all out, Kakashi."_

 _Kakashi grabbed her arms again, pinning them above her head. "Stop fucking with me."_

 _She gave him a sultry look as she pulled the rest of his mask down, running her fingers across his bare throat. "Then start fucking me."_

"So you killed her because she saw your face?" he asked, hoping he'd receive some sort of intelligible answer. It just didn't make sense. Sure, Kakashi was cold, but he wasn't that cold.

Kakashi nodded. "Yes, Lord Hokage."

"And in exchange for showing her your face, she told you everything."

Kakashi stood a little straighter. "Yes, Lord Hokage."

 _"You're fucked," Kakashi said as he pushed her down into the ground more as he started to get up._

 _"I'd like to be. But the others are too soft. Complete turn off," she retorted as she grabbed him again, taking advantage of his instincts. "Come on, you know you want to. The others are too boring for you too, right?"_

 _Kakashi held his blade to her neck. He could smell her hair from here, desperate to "You'll tell me?"_

 _She smiled and nodded. "Do it right and I'll tell you anything you want to hear, Kakashi-kun."_

The Hokage sat in thought for a few more moments. He couldn't make sense of it. "Kakashi," he said as he filed the papers into their folder. "I want you to go see Ibiki."

Kakashi frowned. "Why?"

The Hokage sighed. "Because I'm genuinely concerned about you Kakashi. I will let this clear lie of a report slide if you go speak to him, this time only. He will tell me if you are suitable to keep on the field."

Kakashi sighed. "Yes, Lord Hokage."

Kakashi made his way down towards the interrogation rooms. He heard the screaming from down the hall, though his steps didn't falter. He'd been here a number of times; once upon a time, he thought he'd never stop feeling shivers down his spine at the sound, though he'd become numb to it as the years passed. He found an empty room, sitting down at the table as he waited patiently. He hung his sword and mask over the back of his chair, leaning back.

"It's been a while, Kakashi. Got someone to see me?" Ibiki asked as he walked into the room.

"Yeah," Kakashi said and Ibiki looked a little surprised, mostly by the absence of the person he assumed to be interrogating. "Lord Hokage wants a psych review."

Ibiki was surprised and yet completely understood; he'd always known Kakashi was borderline bat-shit insane. Considering he was still on the side of Konoha with no signs of wavering any time soon, they'd let it slide for now. He'd obviously fucked something up if the Hokage had finally decided it was time to double check it was the right decision.

"I see. Well, let's get this over with then."

Ibiki was surprised by just how far past the line of okay Kakashi was. This wasn't like the normal crazies he dealt with daily, the ones that probably needed a good dose of regular psychiatric visits for a month or two and then they'd be fine. No, this was locked room, straightjacket, pumped full of so much medication he wouldn't know which way was up crazy. What made it obvious wasn't how terrible his answers were; it was how perfectly he was able to give the answer they wanted to hear. He got a perfect grade; something only ever achieved by those with serious mental issues.

"Kakashi, you passed the written test with flying colours," he said and Kakashi looked bored. "But, you failed the psychological exam with potentially the worst scores I've ever seen."

"Hm?" Kakashi asked, unsure of how that could be possible. He was fine, wasn't he?

Ibiki sighed. "Let me put this to you bluntly; you're fucked."

"Huh, that's what I said to her," Kakashi replied, though it was a couple of seconds later when he realised Ibiki was waiting for an explanation. "On my mission."

"And what did she say to that?"

"I forgot. Does it matter?"

"Clearly. You are quite defensive about it," Ibiki replied. "Regretting killing her?"

Kakashi shrugged. "It had to happen. Death is death; it always happens in the end. There's no escape from it."

Ibiki frowned. "You didn't have to; she could have returned to her village and pretended she wasn't the rat. But you killed her instead." He sighed; if Kakashi had shown some more significant signs of regret, his career might have been saved. "Well, I'll need to go inform Lord Hokage."

Kakashi followed; he might as well have heard the verdict now rather than wait and come back in again. He listened silently, a blank expression on his face as Ibiki explained how mentally unstable he was. The Hokage seemed to be fishing for reasons not to remove Kakashi from duties too, though there none besides the fact he was the most efficient and effective of his ANBU operatives. But they could manage without him; there was no doubt about it, Kakashi was being let go.

"Lord Hokage, may I make a suggestion?" Kakashi asked as it became clearer and clearer that the Hokage was close to forcing him into early retirement.

The Hokage knitted his fingers together, giving a look of genuine concern and interest. "Certainly, Kakashi."

Kakashi gave a single nod. "If I show signs of improvement, may I resume my duties?"

The Hokage looked at Ibiki. "Ibiki?"

Ibiki thought for a moment. "You'll see one of my subordinates weekly. You have six months to show improvement or we'll concede to the idea you are just not viable. We will not put you in any more danger than necessary."

The Hokage nodded. "I agree. However," he said and the two men snapped to attention, "you will not return to ANBU duties. It has been ten years already; not many survive this long."

Kakashi didn't want to concede but he did; he wasn't even sure if he still wanted to be a ninja. It wasn't conflicting feelings, he just didn't care. The only reason he'd fought for his rights was because he didn't want to be stuck in a stall for the rest of his life. He'd sooner go insane from the mundaneness of it all; he'd make bat-shit crazy look like sunshine. He nodded at the Hokage, walking out of the tower and towards his home. He wasn't sure what to do for the afternoon; training seemed pointless when he was clearly not going on a mission for a while, unless he miraculously became normal. Or at least seemed it.

So all he had to do was act more normal; that couldn't be too hard, could it?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Kakashi lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Who knew doing nothing would be so… boring. Two weeks of no missions and if Kakashi hadn't been told he was going to lose his mind before, he was sure he was going to lose it now. He didn't even have the motivation to get up and train; what was the point? The stupid psychologist, Meino or whatever her name was, had mentioned she thought Ibiki's report was too soft.

He sighed, sitting up as he heard a knock on the door. "Who is it?" The door opened, Kakashi sighing as he looked at the man in the green spandex suit. "Oh. You."

"Kakashi, my eternal rival! I've been worried; no one has seen you in over a week. I asked Lord Hokage if you were on a mission and he told me you've been temporarily dismissed of your duties," Gai said, abnormally serious. He closed the door behind himself, his arms folded as he leant against it.

Kakashi sighed. "Yeah, it's bullshit."

Gai looked surprised. Sure, he knew Kakashi had a temper hidden under that normal nonchalant demeanour of his, but Kakashi had never let it out before. At least not in front of anyone else, unless it was brutally killing an enemy in which he was well and truly renowned for. "Kakashi."

"Hm?"

Gai frowned. "Do you want to get out of the house?"

"Or the village. That'd be nice," Kakashi said as he lay back on his bed. That concerned Gai even more; Kakashi had always been a loyal ninja of Konoha. Now he'd been removed of his duties, was he thinking of leaving to go elsewhere he'd be more useful?

Gai walked forward, reaching for Kakashi's arms. Kakashi immediately knocked Gai back, a kunai to his throat. Gai knew Kakashi was fast and strong but even with his guard down, Kakashi had never overpowered him like this before. Not to mention the look in his eye; Gai could feel shivers running down his spine. This was worse than when he'd snuck up on Kakashi in public just after Rin died. That time, there was a kunai scratching at his throat. This time, blood trickled ever so slightly, demonstrating how close Kakashi was to the efficient kill he was known for.

Kakashi sighed. "Sorry about that," he said, putting the kunai back in his weapon pouch. He slowly got up, putting out a hand to help Gai to his feet. "I haven't had a break this long since I was a kid."

Gai nodded. He could understand being antsy; Gai wouldn't be able to sit still either if he'd been told not to go on a mission for a while. The ninja thought for a moment; what was a way he could help his friend let off some steam? A jog around the village wouldn't be enough and with Kakashi's already edgy behaviour, going for a drink was out of the question. "Do you want to spar? We're currently even; eighteen all."

Kakashi was silent; Gai was sure that Kakashi was going to disagree. Kakashi never fought, instead opting for something much less injury prone, like rock-paper-scissors. Kakashi claimed it was because he had to be ready for any missions he might be called on but Gai knew he was just lazy. "Sure."

"You serious?" Gai asked and Kakashi nodded. "That's great! I've been waiting for this day for a long time! Kakashi, you're finally embracing your spring time of yout-"

"Don't push it, Gai." Kakashi walked over to his drawers, pulling out his ninja gear. He took a deep breath and sighed as he looked at the ANBU mask in the corner; how he longed to put it on again. "How serious?"

Gai, being Gai, was much too excited by that single statement. "We will fight with everything we have! We cannot improve if we hold back."

"Is that sparring or a fight?"

"Sparring, of course. We need to still be able to complete our missions as ninja," Gai replied, shooting one of his trademark grins. Sparring with Kakashi; surely he was dreaming.

The field they chose to train in was far enough away from the village that no one would notice them, nor did many travel in this direction. They didn't want to be stopped if it got intense; it was about time they faced one another. Of course, it wasn't a real match but it was enough they could gauge how much each of them had improved again. Both of them knew that the other would put up a formidable fight; it was just the test to see how well they could compete with each other.

Kakashi knew Gai's stance immediately. He prepared himself as Gai watched him carefully. "Not going to use the sharingan?" Gai asked. "I thought we were being serious."

Kakashi shrugged. "Eh, I'll use it later if I need to."

Gai felt his blood boiling. "Kakashi, why are you so hip? Acting all cool like that!" he exclaimed as he watched Kakashi crack his neck, stretching his arms as if he was just about to do some push ups or something much more menial.

Impatient as ever, Gai struck first, his fist making strong contact with the person he'd call his best friend. Kakashi barely moved, raising one arm to catch the blow with little to no effort. Then Gai moved again and Kakashi continued to block it. It was the sixth or seventh strike when Kakashi finally had to move from his spot, a grin of glee emerging across the dark haired ninja's face.

"Ha ha! I've got you now, Kakashi!"

Kakashi, noting that Gai's strikes had doubled in difficulty each time, decided it was time to use the sharingan. Sure, he wasn't going to use any ninjutsu as this was, of course, a sparring match but that didn't mean he wasn't allowed to use both eyes. Limited depth perception was an unfair advantage to Gai and Kakashi wasn't the kind to try and use excuses. Gai wanted serious; he was getting serious.

Kakashi's movements were much sharper than Gai's fluid blows; the man in spandex moving simply from one move to the next like a coordinated routine whereas Kakashi's moves were strong, sudden and singular. Gai would kick, Kakashi would catch, Gai would use the momentum to kick from another angle, Kakashi would block again. Gai moved with momentum in contrast to Kakashi's force, which would have spelled trouble if Kakashi wasn't so good at it. He could predict the movement and be ready before it the second the muscle contracted to move, a skill he'd perfected since receiving his sharingan.

Gai was panting, stepping back for a moment as he looked at Kakashi. The copy-ninja gave nothing away, only years of experience alerting Gai that his silver-haired adversary was starting to struggle as well. That meant Kakashi would strike soon; the thing that made Kakashi one of the most dangerous ninja in Konoha was his ability to examine his opponent and determine the most efficient and effective way to strike. If Gai gave him an opening, it'd be over in less than a second.

"Your skills haven't dwindled in your time off, Kakashi," Gai complemented, examining the indifferent face that stared at him. "I shouldn't have expected any less from my rival."

Gai barely caught Kakashi's strike. Gai had learnt a long time ago that he had to concentrate in sparring matches – and, of course, any real fights – when he spoke. It was too easy to get caught up in his words and enthusiasm that he forgot that the opponent wasn't necessarily going to wait until he was finished.

Suddenly, Gai was on defence, Kakashi's strikes forcing him back as he tried to turn Kakashi's momentum against himself. Kakashi knew Gai's strategy and kept his blows short and sharp, filled with force as he refused to let any movements continue further than they needed to. If they didn't make impact where they were supposed to, the limb would retreat in preparation for the next attempt.

Each blow was more frustrating; Kakashi was better than this. He was ANBU – well, was – and Gai was barely a jounin. He should have been much easier to defeat than this. As the frustration grew, each strike got stronger, desperate to be the last. Before he knew it, he was making contact, Gai falling as Kakashi continued to deal blow after blow.

Gai caught one, forcing Kakashi to a halt. "Kakashi, you are still stronger than me," he coughed, the weight of the other ninja's knee pushing into his sternum and making it hard to breathe. Kakashi could feel his arm shaking as Gai held it with all his might. "It's over. You win this time."

Kakashi pulled his fist back enough to force it forward, escaping the other man's grasp. He was dead silent, standing up as he walked away. Gai didn't move. He stared at the sky, well aware that even if he wanted to, he couldn't. He heard voices eventually, Asuma and Kurenai running over with concern written all over their faces.

"Gai, what happened?" Kurenai asked as Asuma slowly helped Gai up. Pain soared through his body, Gai barely able to breathe as he held his chest. Kakashi must have broken a couple of ribs or something. He wouldn't have been surprised if he had a slightly punctured lung.

They knew it was serious when Gai had a solemn look across his face. "I challenged Kakashi to a sparring match," he said, though that didn't explain the extent of the injuries. Sparring was not meant to cause serious injuries. It was controlled fighting to simulate a real one. The next words forced Asuma and Kurenai to look at each other, both stunned at the sudden lack of control in their friend. Gai took a deep breath before he spoke; "Another strike and I think I would be dead."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Kakashi knew Gai ended up in the hospital. He could still feel his arm shaking, his fist curled as he tried to take a deep breath and relax. He got up, opening the cupboard full of the liquor his father had left behind over ten years ago. So he was going down the same track as his father now, was he? Great. Maybe he should have warned somebody to come and check for a body if they hadn't seen him for a couple of days; he didn't have a son who'd come home to find it.

He opened the bottle, pulled down his mask and drank; he'd do anything to stop the shaking. He threw the bottle across the counter, ignoring the shattered ceramic as he sat down on his bed and tried to calm down. Deep breaths seemed all but futile, trying to restore some sort of control and order in his disorganised and pointless world.

He heard knocking. He looked up, head still in his hands as he willed them to go away. "Kakashi-kun!"

Kakashi cursed under his breath. Not Meino. _Anyone_ but Meino. She'd tear him apart, forcing him into the hospital to be sedated or something. Well, the sedation part didn't sound half-bad but the hospital bit he could definitely do without.

"Kakashi-kun! I came to check on you. We had an appointment yesterday and you didn't arrive so I wanted to check you were okay," she called through the door. Why wasn't she leaving? "Kakashi-kun, I can feel your chakra."

Shit. Fucking hell, stupid little shit, not concentrating like he was a fucking genin. If he'd been on a mission, he'd be dead. He lay down, deciding to feign sleep. If he couldn't get rid of her, he could pretend he'd been asleep and maybe she'd leave him alone. He heard the doorknob turn as he rested his good arm over his face, his other fist curled by his side to try and hide the shakes.

"Ah, you are here Kakashi-kun. I was just bluffing."

Kakashi wanted to berate himself. He should have known Meino wasn't skilled enough to do that. She was a chunin, regarded highly for her ability to see into the psychological state of anyone and take advantage of it. If she did manage to catch you, and that was a big if, you knew you were mentally done for.

Meino smiled, sitting beside the bed on the floor. Her dirt coloured hair sat neatly on her shoulders, giving a fake image of innocence. He knew that was part of her ploy; nobody expected the kind looking one to mentally tear them to pieces. "Not feeling so great today, Kashi-kun?" Kakashi didn't respond, keeping his arm over his face as he willed her away. "Well, if you're going to be like that maybe I shouldn't have bought you a present."

Kakashi frowned, moving his arm slightly to see whatever it was she'd bought for him. It was probably something stupid; a herbal tea or something to help calm his supposed post-traumatic stress disorder. He thought the diagnosis was bullshit; he was fine. He'd coped until now, it was only the sheer boredom and lack of purpose that was driving him crazy.

Meino held up the present, a book with an orange cover. "You said you knew Jiraiya-sama and you've read some of his books. I saw this one in the bookstore and thought you might like it. It might take your mind off of everything for a while," she suggested with a kind smile on her face. It started to fade as she put the book down on the floor when Kakashi still didn't move. "I heard about your sparring match with Gai-kun." Kakashi rolled over, facing the opposite direction. "You see, the thing is, you rolling over and ignoring me like that tells me that you're feeling upset about it. You didn't meant to put him in the hospital. You lost control."

"My control is fine," Kakashi growled, his voice low beneath his breath.

Meino sighed. "Just like your arm that's still shaking? That's the one you killed your teammate with, isn't it? Rin?"

Kakashi turned immediately, hand to Meino's throat in a grip so tight she could barely breathe. "Don't you dare talk about Rin."

Meino nodded, trying to breathe as her fingers attempted to loosen the copy-ninja's grip. "Okay, I'm sorry, Kashi-kun. I'm just trying to help. The sooner you let me, the sooner you could be getting back to being a ninja again."

"I don't need help," Kakashi replied, turning back on his side and away from her.

Meino waited a moment to see if he'd say anything else. "Well, at least I can tell Ibiki you're starting to feel things again. We were getting concerned you might have been trying to bottle it up forever," she said as she slowly got up. "That's progress, Kashi-kun. Hopefully you'll be ready to let some more out next time."

Kakashi listened to her leave. He didn't need to put up with this. He rolled onto his back, feeling the weight of his fatigue kicking in. He closed his eyes, hoping for some sleep. He'd never been particularly good at sleeping, the ability diminishing even further over the years. The alcohol seemed to be helping too.

His arm fell down the side of the bed, touching the book on the floor. _Icha Icha Paradise_. What a sappy sounding title. He opened it slowly, beginning to read. He fell asleep, only aware of how far he'd read by the presence of the book on his face when he woke up in a cold sweat. He turned on a small light beside his bed, looking the book over again. It was oddly captivating, something he wouldn't have dreamed of reading. But he scanned over the previous pages quickly and began reading again. He'd always been a bit of a bookworm, though his books of choice were usually much more serious and violent in their nature.

Asuma visited a couple of days later at his father's and Gai's request. He cleaned up the broken ceramic that was still strewn across the kitchenette, quietly observing the silver haired ninja whom was completely enthralled in the orange novel. " _What_ are you reading?" he asked as he finally poured the handful of ceramic into the bin.

Kakashi didn't respond. Asuma sighed, walking over and plucking the book from between Kakashi's fingers. "Smut? Are you kidding me?"

Kakashi snatched it back. "Meino gave it to me," he replied. "It'd be rude not to read it."

Asuma rolled his eyes, walking back to the kitchen as he opened the fridge. "There's no food in here," he said as he suddenly got a whiff of something. "And whatever there is, it's long gone."

Kakashi continued to ignore him as Asuma fetched the bin and began taking out the fridge's contents. So Kakashi wasn't going to go on a murdering spree anymore because he was too preoccupied with some dirty romance novel that the psychologist had given him; that was great. Now he was starving himself because all he did was read instead.

Asuma walked over, picking Kakashi up under the arm and forcing on the rest of his clothes. He then proceeded to drag Kakashi out of the apartment and towards somewhere they could get something to eat. Somewhere without too many children who might have peered in the wrong direction, particularly as Kakashi didn't seem to be putting down his book any time soon.

He happened to find Kurenai along the way, dragging her along so he'd at least have someone to talk to. "He's just too preoccupied with that book. I got two sentences out of him and that was because it was about the book."

Kurenai leaned forward on the table, picking up her dumplings and lifting them to her mouth. "What's it about, Kakashi?"

"A man's passionate love for a woman, where he endures a number of trials to prove his love for her until she eventually agrees to be with him in the end."

"So you've already finished it then?" Kurenai asked and Kakashi gave a single nod.

"Three times."

Asuma snapped the book shut. "Then you can talk to us instead. I don't think Meino will mind if you don't make it through a forth," he replied and Kakashi frowned.

The copy ninja looked around. "When did we get to the dumplings place?" Asuma rubbed the bridge of his nose between his fingers. Sure, Kakashi had the instincts to catch a flying ball while they were walking but he had no idea where he was while he was reading. "When did Kurenai get here?"

"You're kidding, right?" Kurenai asked and Kakashi gave her a blank look. "You're going off the other end."

Kakashi looked confused as Asuma lit up a cigarette. "We're worried about you. Gai was really beat up the other day," Asuma said before he exhaled, letting the cigarette dangle between his lips.

"I didn't intend to hurt him so much. I thought he was stronger than that," Kakashi replied, a genuine look of confusion across his face. "He just stopped fighting back."

Kurenai frowned. "Gai said you looked like you were going to kill him."

Kakashi hesitated. "I don't think so…" he replied as he continued to think. "Why would I want to kill him?"

Kurenai looked even more concerned. It was as if he didn't remember it. "Kakashi…"

As they expected, Kakashi didn't hang around long. He ate surprisingly little – considering Asuma was sure from the state of Kakashi's apartment that he hadn't eaten in days – and left. He didn't leave in the direction of home but they could already work out where he was going. If Asuma was right and Kakashi hadn't gotten up in days, he was probably going to the memorial to apologise.

Kakashi stood in front of the memorial for a while. It was too easy to get lost in simpler times, waiting for Obito whenever he was late and criticising his attempts at excuses. Minato-sensei would laugh and Rin would shake her head, rubbing the bridge of her nose as she tried to avoid the oncoming headache. She'd then fuss when Obito eventually lashed out at Kakashi and Kakashi would knock him back with no trouble at all.

"Kashi-kun!"

Kakashi turned and immediately sighed. Meino again. He turned back to the memorial as Meino stood beside him, that deceptively kind smile on her face. "Asuma and Kurenai told me you'd be here." She traced her hand over the memorial, her finger lingering on the exact name he'd been staring at. "It's good you have such a good friend to come and visit you, right, Obito-kun?"

Kakashi watched her carefully. She stood there for a moment before she turned to him and smiled. "Is visiting Rin next?" Kakashi almost froze to his spot. Visit Rin? He barely even went to her funeral, his attendance only because Minato had forced him there. Rin wouldn't want to see him; he was the one who drove his arm through her chest and broke his promise to protect her.

Meino watched his expression. "So you still feel guilty, Kashi-kun?" she asked as she looked him over. "Is that the arm you killed her with?"

Kakashi grabbed his arm, feeling the shaking sensation running up it again. He had to make it stop. He could feel the blood running down it again, dripping from his fingers.

" _Ka…ka…shi."_

Not again; the nightmares of her death had finally stopped, lending him to more nightmares but none were as bad as the images that left him shaking as he woke in the middle of the night. "Kashi-kun, what are you thinking about?"

Kakashi left. He was an ANBU and she was a chunin; she couldn't have dreamed of catching him if she tried. He stepped into his bathroom, throwing his clothes aside as he turned on the shower faucet. He didn't care the water burned; he stood under it, scrubbing at his hand to try and remove the blood that coated it, dripping and turning the water beneath his feet red.

He could hear loud knocking. "Kashi-kun!"

He didn't care. He had to get this blood off if it was the last thing he did. He scrubbed, picking up a scrubbing brush that had been sitting in the bathroom for years with origins unknown, and began to push the tough bristles into his skin. It tore at him, his pores beginning to bleed and the water stung. He continued scrubbing until the water in the bottom of the shower was red and the reality sunk in. Rin's blood wasn't on his arm; that was all his own.

He got out, gently patting his arm dry before he opened the bathroom cupboard. He placed the towel over his head as he stabled himself against the edge of the bath, fumbling with the bandage he'd found. He held one end of the bandage with his teeth, slowly wrapping his arm until it was covered up. He probably should have just gone down to the hospital, they'd have it healed up within a minute, but hospitals reminded him too much of her for him to bother.

He walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, looking at Meino whom sat on the end of his bed. "Ah, you're okay, Okashi-kun," she said with a look of relief on her face. "Sorry I broke in; I was worried you might have done something brash."

Kakashi didn't speak. He walked over to the kitchen, pulling out a cup and filling it with water. "You know, you look quite handsome with the mask off. Surely you've considered not wearing it before. You might distract some more of your enemies that way."

Kakashi wouldn't turn to acknowledge her. She smiled, a look of content across her face as she folded her legs. "Well, it certainly worked on me. I forgot what I was meant to be doing for a while."

Kakashi spun around, eyes making contact with hers. "You're not Meino."

Meino's expression didn't waver. "No. Well, yes and no. The Meino you remember is currently lying in the morgue. She was on a mission in the waterfall. She left just before you did but was expected to be gone much longer. I kidnapped her, held her captive and exchanged bodies with her the split second before you shoved that kunai into my throat. I knew you were going to do it, you see. And now you're nuts, everyone will think you're just trying to get out of meeting with me if you go tell them what I did."

Kakashi stood frozen. Shit. He should have expected a much stronger reaction from the chunin when he'd walked out without his mask; everyone who had seen it did. He remembered Rin staring for a good ten minutes when he'd been forced to remove it once so she could heal the side of his face. "Ga-"

"It's Meino, Okashi-kun," she said with the same smile. The kind that suddenly sent shivers down his spine. She was right; he had to deal with her himself. No one was going to believe him if he said she wasn't Meino; in every right, she was. Merely the soul within the body had changed and that was not tangible enough to use as evidence.

"Now that's over with, Okashi-kun," the new Meino said, standing up slowly and straightening her clothes. "I think I can make this arrangement worth your while."

* * *

 _ **Author's note:** 3 chapters in 3 days... that's a record for me. I'm hoping to keep this up; it's not an overly long story. For those who don't know Japanese, 'Okashii' means amusing or strange, so Meino is using a play on Kakashi's name. Please review and/or follow, let me know if you like it or hate it so far. Any feedback is welcome. - Asami_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Kakashi slid his hand into one of the drawers in the kitchen, his hand slowly curving around a knife. Sure, he didn't _have_ to kill her the first time but if he'd known this was going to happen, he would have tried a bit harder. Killing her the first time was a side-effect, now it was his own self-designated mission. "What could be worth my while, Meino?"

Meino's smile grew a little wider. "The Third and Ibiki still trust me; I could help you build up enough to fake some sanity then get back into that uniform you hold so dearly. What do you say?"

Kakashi hesitated. "What do you want in exchange?"

"Your silence. You tell no one of who I am and you help me blend in. I didn't get a chance to know Meino very well so I'm very rusty. I'm only lucky no one's picked up on it so far. It turns out she was a fairly sheltered individual," she explained. "I told you the first time, before you tried to murder me, I'm tired of dealing with that country's bullshit."

Kakashi curled his hand around the knife a little tighter. "Why shouldn't I just kill you now?"

"They'd never give you your ninja licence back."

"Plead insanity. I mean, supposedly I almost killed Gai."

"And it took a lot of convincing for Ibiki not to throw you into a cell on the spot," Meino replied. "You go into one of those cells, you come out to live in a retirement village with careers, hopped up on any psychiatric meds they can throw at you."

Even if he'd never known her intentions about taking over Meino's life, this woman had never lied to him before. She never even mentioned further plans so if she was going to do something, she wasn't going to tell him. She knew how to give over only the information she wanted to. Perhaps he'd have to bargain back. "Is there anything else?"

Meino shrugged. "Unless you had something."

Kakashi cleared his throat. "You do anything against this village and I will slaughter you."

Meino continued to smile. "I know. I have no intention of doing so. I'll just hang around here for a while and if I eventually get sick of it, I'll leave Meino's body here and travel off in someone else. I'm a nomad; I'm not here to cause trouble."

Kakashi had gotten that impression. Even when he'd found her in the land of Earth, she'd seemed awfully detached from it. "You do as I say."

"Aren't you mister control-freak?" Meino teased, receiving a glare in response.

"Yes, I am," Kakashi willingly admitted. He knew he needed to be in control for a very long time. That's why he made such a good ANBU captain and leader.

"I could tell that all along; you struggle for control in a world where no matter what you do, it doesn't do what you want it to," Meino said as she slowly got up and walked towards him. "Because no matter how much you try to control the situation, prevent casualties, everyone around you still dies."

Kakashi lashed out at her as Meino moved back with the kind of speed a chunin should not have been able to reach. At least not a chunin like Meino had been. Meino smiled, hands behind her back as if he was a child threatening her with a teddy bear. "I control what happens outside of closed doors. If I don't, our cover is blown. But anything behind closed doors is yours. Do with me what you will; I don't care. You don't tell anyone that I'm technically not Meino and I won't tell anyone you should be locked up for the rest of your life, okay?"

The stakes were too high for Kakashi to refuse. "What do you mean, 'do with me what you will'?"

Meino shrugged turning back to sit on his bed again. "I have no attachment to this body so you could use it as teddy bear, maid, punching bag, sex toy…" she said as she watched his eyes at her last suggestion. Clearly he hadn't forgotten the experience. "Although, I might have something to say if you become a soppy, teary, delicate little flower yourself. I don't have much patience for those people. And if you beat me up too much, people might start to question what you're doing with me."

Kakashi was still silent for a few moments. He was never overly talkative, preferring to watch and observe the situation before he spoke. "Are you going to put that knife down or have you decided to carve me up again like you did last time?" Meino asked and Kakashi frowned. "I mean, I won't protest but as I just said, the more obvious damage you do, the more likely it is someone will ask questions."

Kakashi was curious. He'd never met someone so open to being beaten before. "What do you gain from that?"

Meino folded her arms. "Well, my soul never quite fuses with a body so it's awfully difficult to feel. At least when someone hurts me, I feel it. So pain has quite the opposite reaction on me," she replied. "Besides, what's a little dirty fun?" Kakashi took a single step forward, knife still in his grip. Meino waited expectantly. "You clearly enjoyed it too; taking control, determining how much pain I felt, how long it would last, so on."

Kakashi turned slowly, opening a cupboard and picking up another bottle. He'd always known his father was a heavy drinker; there were too many nights he'd come home from a mission or training, his father completely unconscious and unable to be woken. It was only diligence that had prevented Kakashi from clearing out whatever was left – which was an entire cupboard full as his father tended to buy in bulk, finish a bottle and forget about the others, proceeding to buy in bulk again to prevent needing to buy again so soon – but without the missions to distract himself, his discipline was slipping further and further.

He opened the bottle, feeling the burn down his throat as he poured the entire bottle down. At least they were small, but strong, bottles so he wasn't going to end up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning after one. Drinking it faster meant he felt it more too, so he didn't need to drink as much in the end.

"Nervous?"

Kakashi felt the bottle shatter between his fingers, ceramic spread across the kitchen again. "Is that all you want from me. Someone who's sick enough to be okay with hurting you so you can get off?"

Meino sat in consideration for a few seconds. "I mean it's purely a bonus. Not many share my tastes."

"You just pull in suckers that will do it anyway."

"From what I recall, you enjoyed it too. Besides, it's not that unusual. There are people that are attracted to feet or a large variety of things. So I'm a bit more violent; so are you."

Kakashi wasn't sure he completely agreed but he couldn't deny it. He wasn't frequented in the area of sex considering it usually meant getting close to someone, something he avoided at all costs. Rin had been the first, mostly out of consideration as she was worried that she might have to give it up on a mission at some point. Kunoichi were known for doing so at some point; they had to blend in or force out information and sex was an awfully convincing way to do either.

Then it turned into some middle ground between friends and a relationship, neither knowing if they wanted more or less. There were advantages and disadvantages to either; company and comfort verse the risk of losing their respective best friend. Before either of them had made their mind up – Rin leaning towards the relationship side of things and Kakashi against it – Rin had thrown herself in front of his raiki technique and Kakashi was scarred with the feeling of her blood dripping down his arm forever.

Then there were a couple others but none of them got anywhere close to where Rin had gotten. There was some extent of friendship and sex involved but that was all. Kakashi had made it clear he didn't want to get particularly close to anybody so the relationships were merely for the mutual benefits; sexual frustrations were released and they had someone to drink with when things got too hard.

"Well?" Meino asked, folding her arms, the smile finally fading from her face. "You're in charge here."

Kakashi didn't have much of a choice. If he wanted his career, he had to deal with it or at least let others onto the fact Meino wasn't who she claimed to be in a way that didn't make him seem crazy. "Fine."

Meino smiled. "Good. I'm glad, Okashi-kun."

Kakashi put down the knife. "First thing; it's 'Kakashi'."

Meino nodded. "Okay, Kakashi." That wasn't exactly what he was aiming for but it was better than 'Okashi-kun'. It made him feel like she was calling him a sweet. He knew what she meant by it but that didn't mean he was comfortable with that either. "Is there anything else you would like?"

Kakashi suddenly didn't know what to do. He'd never been in charge of someone in his home like this before. Missions, sure, but this was different. He turned slightly. "Clean this up."

He didn't expect her to be so obedient. She hopped up with no hint of complaint, a quiet 'dustpan' and 'bin' uttered as Kakashi pointed and she cleaned it up in a few seconds flat. She then stood and waited for her next instruction. This was going to take some getting used to. It was convenient to have someone around that would do as he pleased but he wasn't used to dehumanising someone in his home. He wasn't sure that what she wanted but that was the impression he was getting.

"May I make a suggestion?" Meino asked, noticing how lost he looked. Kakashi nodded. "Should I go buy some groceries? Your house is empty and you're looking gaunt. Meanwhile, you could take a nap."

Kakashi frowned. "Won't someone ask why you're buying me food?"

"I'm your doctor, of sorts. You need to eat and are not in the mental state to do it yourself, or at least remember to. It's perfectly reasonable that I do something to make sure you get better. Starvation won't help the situation. With some food in your stomach and some sleep, you might feel somewhat normal again."

Kakashi nodded. So long as it didn't raise too many questions, the idea didn't sound like a bad one. He had no idea what to buy anymore anyway. He couldn't remember the last time he went and bought groceries for himself. Usually his fridge was just filled with leftovers from wherever he'd bought food previously. "Okay."

Meino smiled, moving toward the door. "I'll be back!"

Kakashi moved towards his bed, lying down on it as he stared at the ceiling. He wasn't sure what to make of the predicament; instincts were telling him to just kill this intruder and get it over with. Even so, he couldn't ignore the small part of him that didn't want to, the small part that believed her when she said she was trying to escape a country that was torn by indecision of war. With those conflicting thoughts running through his mind, he soon fell asleep, the alcohol making him tired again. He knew he was going to be restless but at least he'd get some degree of rest.

 _He took quiet steps inside the house, sliding the door closed. He couldn't hear his father, though that wasn't unusual. The man was normally asleep, no matter what time of day he got home. He would be lucky if dinner was ready, usually left over takeout sitting on the bench and waiting. He removed his shoes carefully, silently making his way into the kitchen._

 _There was nothing, though he was expecting it. There hadn't been anything for him for the past week so why would he think there would be. He turned on the kettle, picking up an instant ramen cup from the cupboard and placing it on the bench. He could smell the alcohol in the air again, looking at the bottles piled up next to the bin._

 _He slowly walked into his father's room, removing his mask and gear. He then quietly stepped towards the bed, expecting the silver haired ninja to be lying there again, bedridden by depression and shame. It had been years, progressively getting worse as time went by. "Father."_

 _His father wasn't there. That was strange. He walked back into the kitchen, confused as he leaned on the bench top as he looked at his bed. Something was off about it, his covers moved just enough he could tell someone had touched it. He stepped closer, looking it over. He knew he slept in the same room as the kitchen and dining room so guests often saw his bed, though it was rarely touched._

 _He turned, noticing his father's sword. It was as if it was leaning against something, pointed into the air behind the table so he couldn't quite see. His father had pulled the sword out before, usually while in a drunken stupor, bragging about how many missions he'd completed with it, how many lives he'd saved and yet the village had shamed him for considering his comrades more important than the mission._

 _Kakashi then saw hair. He stepped a little closer, noticing the red stains in the carpet as he took more tentative steps. His father lay on his side, sword pierced through his stomach as Kakashi felt his heart begin to race. He slid to the ground, his hand reaching for the sword as he wondered what to do. Rin, that was the name of the girl on his team, right? She wanted to be a medic ninja, maybe she'd know what to do._

" _Kakashi…"_

 _Kakashi looked at his father, noticing the struggle for breath. "Father, who did this to you?"_

 _Sakumo looked at Kakashi, pleading for forgiveness with his eyes. "I'm sorry, Kakashi."_

 _Kakashi was still frantic, trying to decide the best course of action. He didn't want to leave, instead biting his finger as his father grabbed his hand. "Father, Pakkun could get help."_

 _Sakumo shook his head. "I don't want help, Kakashi."_

 _Kakashi was confused. "But Father-"_

" _No buts," Sakumo replied, reaching up to wipe away a stray tear that was running down Kakashi's cheek. "I didn't mean to let you find me like this. I thought you'd get home later."_

 _Kakashi was even more confused. "Father-"_

 _Sakumo shook his head. "I'm proud of you, Kakashi. You're a much better ninja than I ever was."_

 _Kakashi watched as his father's hand gripped the sword again, moving it in a way that forced out more blood. His father coughed, blood dripping from his lips as Kakashi tried to grab the sword and stop him. "Father, don't! Stop it! You'll make it worse! Stop it! Please, stop it!"_

 _Sakumo was too strong, pulling on the sword a little more as Kakashi watched it slice through his father like he was butter. "Stop it! Stop it! Father, stop it! Don't do it!"_

Kakashi was forced awake, unable to breathe as he was thrown forward. His hands gripped the side of his bed as he gasped for air, the scent of food filling his nose as he slowly began to settle. He was drenched in sweat again; the shower he'd had just earlier that day now rendered pointless. He looked up at Meino whom had her arms folded, chopsticks between her fingers as a pan sizzled beside her.

"Are you okay, Kakashi?"

Kakashi knew there was no way he could answer that with a lie. He was still trying to catch his breath from the nightmare he was sure he was over. He could still feel the pain in his chest, the desperation in his hands to force his father to stop moving the sword through his own body. "Just a nightmare."

"Your father's suicide?"

Kakashi didn't like how much she knew about him considering he knew very little about her. "Yeah."

Meino nodded. "You were screaming for him to stop. I took an educated guess," she said as she turned back to the pan and stirred. "Do you want to talk about it? I mean, I am a psychiatrist."

Kakashi shook his head as he looked down at the ground, trying to even out his breaths. What happened had been many years ago. "No."

Meino frowned. "Your inability to talk doesn't help your case."

Kakashi glared at her. "It's none of your business."

"Have you told anybody about it?"

Kakashi was quiet. "My old sensei."

"The Fourth?" Meino asked and Kakashi nodded. "He's been dead for almost ten years, Kakashi."

"Eight."

Meino sighed. "You can trust me, Kakashi. I trusted you with who I am, you can trust me when I say I won't tell anyone more than they already know, which is that they're dead."

Kakashi shook his head. "It's not that easy."

"Then what do I need to do?"

Kakashi frowned. "I don't know anything about you, for a start. What's your real name?"

"I don't have one," Meino replied very quickly. "We are born into shells, are given a name but it's only temporary. We change bodies and therefore change again. Our names are not permanent. I don't even remember most of mine. I don't have a name of my own, nor did my parents. Nor did their parents. My clan are unnamed because we all have different names."

Meino watched Kakashi's expression. "You want to know about me? Fine," she said as she turned off the stove, sorting the food into some bowls. "I was born in the Mist, my parents forced me out of my body at five years old and I was forced to fend on my own from then on. We are nomads; we live by blending in. The best way to do that is to be individual as a group of us would be more obvious that something had changed and was wrong. We don't fight, we just take new bodies when we have to. We become new people. I don't have a past of my own, nor do I have my own future. Instead I must steal somebody else's to get by. So this time, I'm Meino. She seemed nice, distant enough I wouldn't get caught, and due to my time spent in various people's heads, I know psychology. I know how the mind works as it is rewired to fit my soul each time I change over. It just happened it was convenient she lived in the same village as you, someone whom I thought I could trust. I didn't tell you my story because I have no story. My story started the moment I took over Meino and moved here, and will end to start again next time I move on. I don't make attachments; I meet people who are like-minded so when I disappear they won't be affected. Like you."

"You make yourself awfully at home and intertwined for someone who doesn't want to get involved," Kakashi noted.

Meino shrugged. "I force you to dehumanise me so I become an object to you. Because that is all you are to me. Your life will continue, mine won't. My world will be completely flipped as I see through a new set of eyes," she replied. "Do you trust me now?" Kakashi hesitated. Meino sighed, able to read him again. She knew that it was a step forward; he'd almost said 'yes'. "It's a start."

Kakashi moved towards the table as Meino put down the food, sitting at the table with him. "You won't stay, will you?"

Meino shook her head. "Not unless you ask me to. I do have to obey you, remember?"

Kakashi nodded. "No, go home." Meino started to get up. "After you eat."

Meino nodded, sitting down again. "Okay." She quietly ate. "If you'll take my advice, I have some for you."

Kakashi looked at her. She was asking permission to tell him something he should consider. He only ever got that kind of respect on missions. "Go ahead."

"You should visit Gai tomorrow. Asuma and Kurenai too. Reaching out to your friends will help you. I do hope to help you, Kakashi. I don't want any attachments but that doesn't mean I want to be useless."

Kakashi hesitated by nodded. "Tomorrow. After I visit the memorial."

Meino ate silently for a few more moments. "Kakashi."

"Yes, Meino?"

"You should visit Rin too."

* * *

 _ **Author's note:**_ _a bit rushed but I'm glad I got this out too. I think I've caught any mistakes but let me know if I haven't. This chapter was to try and establish a bit of context for Meino, seeing as she'll be popping in and out of this story a lot. Again, let me know if you liked it or hated it, and give the story a follow if you want to know what happens Kakashi follow Meino's advice and visit Rin? We'll see._ _\- Asami_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Kakashi sat in Gai's hospital room, quietly looking out the window. Gai didn't say anything either, which was even more unusual. The silence had been for a while now, Kakashi eventually coming to the conclusion that Gai was waiting for him to speak.

"The doctors said you'd be leaving today or tomorrow," he said, hoping it'd lift Gai's spirits.

"Yeah."

Kakashi sighed. "I didn't mean to put you in hospital."

"You meant to kill me, right?" Gai asked and Kakashi went silent. He didn't know how to answer. "It's okay. You can leave."

Kakashi shook his head. "Gai, I don't even remember what was running through my head. I can't tell you what I was thinking," he admitted, running a hand through his silver hair as he watched leaves falling outside the window. "Kurenai and Asuma probably told you that."

Gai nodded. They hadn't been so specific but he'd gotten that impression. He took a deep breath. "You are still much stronger than me, Kakashi. I didn't stop fighting back; you had me pinned. I couldn't move."

Kakashi frowned as he tried to recall the time in question. It didn't make sense; he would have noticed if he had restricted Gai's movements, wouldn't he? Gai could read the look on his face. "Have you told Meino-san?" Kakashi flinched at the name. "What's wrong with Meino-san?"

Kakashi shook his head. "I'm just not people friendly. She wants me to be," he replied. "She told me to come here. She thought you might not realise that I am sorry. I shouldn't have lost control like I did."

Gai looked genuinely surprised. The only people Kakashi ever apologised to were dead. "It-It's okay, Kakashi," he replied and Kakashi looked at him. It was probably the first time he'd ever heard a response to his apologies. Kakashi gave a slight smile, only visible in the small portion of his face that was uncovered by the mask. But that was enough; Gai could see it clearly. He'd long been able to read his rival.

"I'd say that we could spar when you get better but I think you wouldn't want to after this attempt," Kakashi replied and Gai shook his head.

"On a raincheck," Gai replied and Kakashi looked somewhat confused. "I will need to train. You are much stronger than me, Kakashi. Next time, we will fight and I will win."

Kakashi smiled a little again. "Okay," he said as he looked out the window again. "You're going to want to leave soon; I should get out of your way."

Gai nodded, watching carefully as Kakashi left. The initial hurdle was over; it seemed that Kakashi was starting to recover. Even if he disagreed, he needed the time to force himself out of his cold-blooded habits. He couldn't be sure but it would probably still be too early; if Kakashi was to return to his duties now, so soon after his recovery had begun, it would probably be reversed. He doubted Kakashi would ever return to ANBU.

Kurenai had been arriving at the hospital at the same time as Kakashi was leaving, clearly surprised to see him. "Kakashi."

Kakashi gave her a slight nod, continuing to leave silently. He took solace in his empty apartment, reading through the orange book once again, flicking through each page. It was such a contrast to his own life he was glad to get lost in it, even for just a little while. His life was full of misfortune and tragedy, one death after another. If he got close to anyone, they were sure to die. The others still wondered why he wouldn't spend time with them; surely he was a bad omen.

Asuma knocked on the door, entering the apartment again. "Kurenai told me you went to visit Gai." Kakashi continued to flick through the pages of his book. "Not this again, seriously."

Just to check if Kakashi was even paying attention, Asuma threw a kunai, unsurprised when Kakashi's instincts allowed him to raise one finger and catch it within the handle. It looked so effortless, years of training clearly demonstrated. "What do you want, Asuma?"

Asuma sighed. "Kurenai told me to check you're not starving again," he said as he walked over to the fridge, opening it. He frowned. "It's full."

"Ah, Meino…"

Asuma leaned on the bench, folding his arms. "Meino? She's a psych, not a carer."

Kakashi shrugged. "She didn't want her patient to die of starvation. She says that because it stems from the whatever it is she needs to make sure I get appropriate care, yada yada," Kakashi said, flipping the page again. "So she comes over and bothers me even when I'm at home."

"Well when you start showing more independence, I will leave you alone," Meino said from the doorway, folding her arms. "I've had to drop all of my missions and most of my other patients because of you. You're a full-time job."

"Did we expect anything less?" Asuma sighed.

Kakashi sighed. "The fridge is full, you can both leave."

Meino stepped forward. "I wanted to ask you about your visit with Gai-san today, Kakashi-kun. To see if there was any benefits we can immediately see."

Kakashi glared at her immediately, the cold air resuming that made Asuma stand back. He knew they were weapons scattered strategically around this house; Kakashi could kill them both before they had a chance to blink. "Meino, leave."

Meino folded her arms as if there was nothing to fear. "You can express your desire for solitude later; I don't have time for your complaining right now."

Kakashi's scowl got even deeper. Asuma could feel the chill running down his spine. "Well, I'm off. I'll tell Kurenai your food situation is already being taken care of," Asuma slowly walked past Meino. "You have bigger balls than I do."

Meino waited until Asuma was down the hall, closing the front door. "How was Gai-san?"

"Better," Kakashi said abruptly, even the turn of the page demonstrating his annoyance. "I thought you were meant to listen to me."

"Behind closed doors. The door is now closed. We are now alone," Meino said as she watched Kakashi's scowl that didn't move. "Do you want me to leave so you can be alone?"

Kakashi hesitated for just long enough that Meino frowned. "Stay. Just don't say anything."

Meino nodded, moving in closer to sit on the floor at the table, sitting in silence. She eventually got up and found a book, sitting back down on the floor as she began to read. Kakashi seemed unsure but content with the company. He eventually put the book on his face, slowly falling asleep.

" _Kakashi…"_

Kakashi woke, his eyes snapping open as his eyes set on Meino whom was looking at him with a concerned expression. She was sitting on the floor, facing him as a hand curled around her neck and the other pinning her wrist. She didn't even move, giving him the few moments to take some deep breaths and slowly remove his hands from her. "Another nightmare?"

Kakashi nodded. They seemed more and more common, or perhaps he'd just learnt how to ignore them previously, or perhaps that was just the fact he knocked himself out most nights via pure exhaustion or other methods. Then his alarm would wake him up a few hours later when he clearly hadn't been asleep for long enough at all.

Kakashi didn't know what to do when Meino slowly got up, lying on the bed beside him. "I'm not the kind to like to be hugged."

Meino nodded, lying in the opposite direction. "I know."

She lay beside him, keeping some distance as Kakashi slowly drifted off again. He woke again, not too long later with his arms wrapped around her, shaking as he held her tighter. She'd known he would find comfort in her being there, not forcing him but letting him come to her for the comfort he needed.

Meino could feel his hands curling into her so tightly blood dripped from her skin. "You should go," Kakashi said and Meino didn't move. "Meino."

"Is that because you want me to or you're scared of what might happen if I stay? I already know about you, Kakashi. There's nothing you could do that would make me change my mind about you. You had your hands wrapped around my neck and I crawled into bed with you because I knew it'd help you."

"I don't understand. What do you gain?"

"If I'm not with you, I have to continue to pretend to be Meino. I don't need to try so hard to keep my cover this way," Meino replied.

"You could just go home on your own," Kakashi replied and Meino shrugged. "I'm not good company, nor am I interested in your problems. I wouldn't be bothered if you left and I never saw you again."

Meino turned to face him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"If you are clinging onto me like I'm going to take you on, like I would care about you, like I would love you, you are sorely mistaken, and you should be glad for it. Anyone I have ever cared for has died in front of me, if not by my own hand," Kakashi replied.

"You are sorely mistaken if you think I see you as anything more than a convenience. You and I kindred spirits; we are more alike than you'd think," Meino replied. Kakashi didn't move as Meino moved closer. "Let me take some of the pain away." Kakashi hesitated, evaluating her past decisions and their success rate, and slowly gave a single nod.

* * *

 _ **Author's note:**_ _This took a little longer; May is always my busiest month. What's to become of this unconventional relationship between Meino and Kakashi? Will Kakashi open up more to the other jonin? This isn't a romance story. Tell me what you think. Until next time, Asami._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Kakashi slowly got up, looking over Meino as she lay asleep on his bed. He'd finally woken up without a nightmare, though that didn't help when he'd clearly only had a couple of hours' worth of sleep. At least it was better than nothing; he felt better rested than he had before. He got up slowly and silently, Meino not even giving the slightest hint of disturbance. He walked into the bathroom, dealing with the pains deep in his muscles by opening his cupboard and grabbing whatever pills were left in there from his last injury. He rattled the container, sighing as he realised they were almost gone. He'd had them for as long as he could remember; restless nights with very little sleep left little energy to recover.

Kakashi threw his head back, feeling the pills run down his throat as he stood over the sink. He took a deep breath, closing the mirror back over. He didn't want to look; he knew all he'd see was a failure, the man who couldn't keep his promise. On the note of his face, he found his mask that still lay on the bathroom floor, pulling it on before he retrieved some clothes from the drawers in the other room.

He cast Meino one last glance, examining her bare skin that peered from under the sheets. She sighed, rolling over in her sleep as Kakashi decided it was time to leave. He wandered down the streets of Konoha, wishing it would rain so he would have a reason to feel so terrible. The memorial wasn't far and the hour was too early for anyone to be out in the streets.

"Good morning, Obito."

Kakashi stood as he normally did, staring at the names on the memorial as he lived in times past.

" _You're late again, Obito!"_

" _Sorry! I was helping this man, he had too many bags and y'know, I couldn't let him struggle on his own."_

" _You're a liar!"_

" _Kakashi-kun, please calm down."_

" _Why did I get stuck with you three?"_

Kakashi could feel a bittersweet smile on his face, curling at the very corner of his lips. Minato-sensei should have felt that way; Kakashi was a bad omen that had killed every one of them. Now he was standing there, somehow still alive when it was his fault every one of them had died. If he'd just listened and protected his teammates like he should have, they all would have been there around him instead of written on the memorial in front of him. Even his father, whose name didn't grace the memorial stone, just needed Kakashi to do his job and care about him then maybe, just maybe, he might not have taken the sword to his gut and died on the floor in front of him.

"I thought you might be here." Kakashi turned to look at Kurenai, a confused expression under his mask. She smiled as she stood beside him. "Good morning, Obito-kun, Rin-chan, Lord Yondaime."

Kakashi frowned. "What are you doing here, Kurenai?"

Kurenai looked at Kakashi. "I spoke to Meino yesterday. She suggested we start coming to you rather than waiting for you to come back to us. Even if it's just to stand quietly to reassure you we're here."

Kakashi scoffed. "Psychoanalytic bullshit."

"Well, it seems to be working. You at least acknowledge we exist now, and you went out of your way to make Gai feel better. He was all fired up after your visit yesterday," Kurenai said with a smile on her face. She turned back to the memorial, running her fingers over Obito's name. "You also have less of a murderous aura about you."

Kakashi rolled his eyes. "Go away, Kurenai."

Kurenai shook her head. "I didn't know Obito-kun very well but Rin-chan and I were friends," she said with a small, sad smile on her face. "I wanted to say hello."

"Her grave is over there," Kakashi said as he pointed towards the cemetery.

"You seem to be awfully sure for someone who's never been to see it," Kurenai said clearly as she turned to face Kakashi again. She grabbed his arm. "Come on."

Kakashi had her pinned to the ground in milliseconds. "Don't touch me."

Kurenai had a smirk on her face as Kakashi looked around himself. "You're slipping, Kakashi."

Kakashi began to stagger, looking at the graves around them. Had he been staring at Rin's grave the entire time? He'd known Kurenai was skilled with her illusions but he'd always assumed he would never fall into her trap. He fell backwards, sitting on the ground as he stared at the name on the grave. "R-Rin."

Kurenai got up, looking at the grave. "I bet she's missed you, Kakashi." Kakashi was frozen. She'd planned this from the start. He really was slipping to fall into such an easy trick. Kurenai sat beside him, placing a hand on his arm. "Pretty good trick, wasn't it, Rin-chan?"

Kakashi was shaking. Kurenai looked at him, seeing the panic in his only uncovered eye as she became concerned. This wasn't like Kakashi; he wasn't bothered by anything. If he was bothered, he was silent and serious. He should have gone into that hidden persona, the one that hid what he really felt, but instead he was quivering as if he was a child awaiting punishment. "Aren't the flowers I put here pretty? They were Rin-chan's favourite, weren't they?"

Kakashi was immediately gone. Kurenai jumped to her feet, looking for any trace of the silver haired ninja. Panic began to run through her; what had she done? Had she pushed it too far? She'd hoped that he was just stubborn and had refused to visit Rin out of principle; she didn't realise he'd react like this. "Oh no."

She ran to the Sarutobi house, knocking on Asuma's window as the young man groaned and opened it for her to come inside. "Kurenai, it's barely light outside," he complained, rubbing his eyes.

"I think I messed up."

Asuma frowned as he realised Kurenai wasn't going anywhere, reaching for his cigarettes as he put one between his teeth. "What did you do? Did you forget your chores again?"

"I tricked Kakashi into going to Rin Nohara's grave."

Asuma went pale. "You did what?"

"I thought it would help-"

Asuma didn't care that he wasn't dressed to be outside, wearing his pyjama pants and an old t-shirt as he was quickly out his own window and atop the next rooftop. "Shit. I don't know how to find him. Neither of us are trackers."

Kurenai stood beside him. "Where would he go?"

"Home, maybe? Did you try there?"

"No, I came to get you first."

Asuma sighed, jumping back down to quickly change and gather his things. Who knew what state Kakashi would be in when they found him. They darted to Kakashi's place, the small house he'd lived in since he was a child; the same place he'd watched his father die. They slowly opened the door, listening as the shower slowly stopped.

"You're finally back-"

Meino stood in the bathroom doorway, a towel wrapped around herself as she rubbed her eyes, still tired. "Asuma-kun, Kurenai-san."

There were many questions to be asked but now was not the time. "Have you seen Kakashi?"

"No. I fell asleep here by accident and he was gone when I woke up. He probably went to the memorial," Meino said as she continued to try and work out what they were doing over so early.

Asuma sighed. "Fuck. He's not here then. Where would he go?"

"What's going on?" Meino asked, tilting her head to the side as she continued to wipe her eyes. She felt so tired with the lack of rest that she was tempted to crawl back into bed again.

"Kurenai thought it'd be good to force him to go to Rin's grave, just in case it was purely a case of being stubborn."

Meino's hand dropped to her side, immediately awake. "You're an idiot!"

Kurenai knew; she already felt guilty enough as it was. "I was trying to help."

"Forcing him doesn't work. He wants to be in control and has this fixation in his head that everything is his own fault. Taking that control from him just makes him feel worse. He doesn't turn up late all the time because he's lazy or trying to copy his old teammate!" Meino shouted in their direction. She was trying to sound technical, hoping they wouldn't pick on the fact she really had only a few psychology textbooks's worth of knowledge.

She would say they fell for it, but there was more than a grain of truth in what she'd said. Nobody had thought of it as anything else; they assumed Kakashi was trying to be like the friend he idolised and missed dearly. "What?" Asuma asked, bewildered by the suggestion.

"Typical behaviour of someone who isn't good at taking orders. He doesn't arrive in a mess like someone who is genuinely late; he plans to be. That way everyone is there and he gets to control when and how they move. He acts as if he doesn't care so people try harder to impress him. He acts as if he doesn't care around people, completely detached so no one knows what he's thinking or feeling. That's why people listen the second he is serious; they're scared to see what happens if they don't. He's already been pushed out of his comfort zone since he's not been allowed on missions; he's lost that sense of control and that's why he lost the rest of it with Gai. He wanted to prove himself the better one, the one in total control of the situation. He's a textbook definition of a control freak if I'd ever met one."

The others were silent. They knew she was the psychologist but they hadn't expected such a complete profile. Meino hadn't expected they'd so easily believe her bullshit; she'd waffled on to try and cover the fact she was only going with a hunch. "You want him to let go of it. You force him to all the time," Asuma replied. "You're controlling him."

"Quite the opposite," Meino replied and that confused the other pair even more. "If he truly meant for me to leave him alone, I would do it. But he doesn't, nor does he mean it with any of you. That is why I suggested to Kurenai that you hang around him, leave him alone but be in his presence so he knew you weren't abandoning him. If he wants to be alone, he is more than capable of forcing us to leave him be. I just manipulate him to realise that he needs help."

Kurenai took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. They needed to think. "What do you suggest we do?"

"You two need to find him. Apologise and convince him to make the decision to come home. You cannot force him; it has to be his choice," Meino said as she folded her arms. "Meanwhile, I'm going to plan how to fix the mess you've made when he comes back, if he comes back."

"You think he might leave altogether?" Kurenai asked.

Meino shrugged. "It's not as if he has a whole lot to cling onto here. The only things he clings to are memories and those he can take with him," she replied and Kurenai looked at Asuma.

"We're going to need help."

"We'll get Gai. Anyone else and they won't be able to handle him," Asuma suggested. Kurenai nodded. "We'll let you know when he returns."

"Good. I'll be waiting," Meino sighed, turning back to the bathroom as the others left. This was bad; if Kakashi did tell anyone she wasn't who she claimed to be, the chances of getting away with it were slim. She'd always been good at picking out the easiest person to convince but in this mindset, who knew what Kakashi would do.

Gai, however, was doing exactly what they expected he'd be doing at the early hour; training on one of the training fields. The second he'd heard that Kakashi had disappeared, the man clad in green was ready to run to the land of wind and back to find him. They set out areas to search, hoping that Kakashi wouldn't have gone too far. The first thing Asuma did was check if Kakashi had left via the gate but the ninja on duty assured him he hadn't and would let him know if they saw him.

There was no sign of him anywhere. "Ibiki," Asuma said as they ran into the interrogation specialist. "Do you have any idea where Kakashi might go that's not the memorial?"

Ibiki, whom has just been heading back to the Hokage Tower after his lunch break, frowned. "What's happened?"

Kurenai continued to look guilty. "I wanted to help push him and Meino suggested-"

"Meino is still seeing him?" Ibiki asked, folding his arms. "I told her to stop. She's been acting strange, neglecting other patients because she claims Kakashi needs more of her attention. Kakashi will come good on his own; he doesn't need any more mental manipulation. Once I gave her that book to hand onto him, he should have had enough of a distraction to get by with time."

Kurenai and Asuma looked at each other, enough words being expressed in their glance that Ibiki sighed. "I'll handle Meino, let Kakashi come back on his own. He has too many ties to the village to leave."

"Meino said-"

"I don't care what Meino said, she's wrong. She clearly needed this break sooner than I anticipated. This kind of work can get to you if you don't take care of yourself," Ibiki replied. "Go home. Kakashi will come back. When he's ready to be found, he will be."

Asuma and Kurenai sincerely hoped he was right.

* * *

 _ **Author's note:**_ _I wanted to update quickly to make up for all the time waiting! Hopefully some questions have been answered in this chapter. Ibiki knows something's up with Meino so what will happen when he finds her? When will Kakashi come back? We're getting to the pointy end now, all shall be revealed!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Kakashi sat in the interrogation area, his hands on the table as he looked visibly exhausted. He hadn't slept in a couple of days, the image of Rin filling his mind every time he closed his eyes. He could feel the blood running down his arm, dripping onto the floor. _Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip._

Ibiki walked into the room, sitting down with no hesitation. It was as if he was expecting the silver haired ninja to be sitting there, waiting for him at that precise moment. He stared, waiting for Kakashi to give some sort of sign about what was happening in his mind. It didn't take long, Kakashi's hand unconsciously rubbing up and down his arm. "The nightmares are back, aren't they?" Kakashi didn't speak, instead giving a single nod. "Meino?"

Kakashi sat up a little straighter. "That's why I'm here."

Ibiki had expected as much. "She's not Meino."

"You know then?" Kakashi asked and Ibiki nodded.

He folded his arms. "I could tell within a minute of speaking to her. Not a bad job but she just couldn't quite pull her off," Ibiki said as he watched Kakashi from across the table. "Who is she?"

"The missing nin I was meant to kill. It turns out I killed Meino instead," Kakashi replied, watching Ibiki closely. "She knows how to manipulate."

Ibiki nodded. "That was what gave her away," he replied. "What did she convince you of?"

Kakashi sighed, rubbing his hand over his arm again. _Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip._ "That she was helping me by forcing me to relive the memories. That if I told anyone what I knew, I'd never get back to normal. After a few days alone, I realised you would interrogate her just in case and discover I was right."

"She played you like an open book," Ibiki replied and Kakashi nodded. He watched Kakashi's hands scratching and rubbing. "She wasn't entirely wrong, she just had an ulterior motive. She's currently in custody. A few others are continuing the interrogation. They think she may not even have been the missing nin; she may just have poorly chosen the body to take over."

"She still murdered Meino."

"No, _you_ murdered Meino. She merely assisted," Ibiki replied and he watched the rubbing get harder and faster. "What's wrong with your arm, Kakashi?"

Kakashi stopped and glanced at it. There was nothing wrong. It was perfectly fine, other than the marks he'd made himself. The dripping stopped. "You did that on purpose."

"I needed to get into your head," Ibiki replied. "If a dripping tap is enough to make you crumble, you're nowhere near ready to be let back into the field."

He'd been his own undoing. He looked defeated; he knew he had his weaknesses and the break had forced them all out of hiding. His real, _true_ weakness was merely his own mind. He sat and waited for Ibiki to say something else. Surely the interrogation ninja had plans for him. He'd improved in the past few days to himself but it was clear that it wasn't anywhere near enough.

"Kakashi," Ibiki said after almost three minutes of silence, long enough that Kakashi had started to delve into his own mind and think again. "We all know what you're doing. You're shutting everyone out in an attempt to protect them, and yourself, from becoming another victim of war. I'm sorry to tell you that no matter what you do, they'll still die. They're probably more likely to die without you there.''

Kakashi wholeheartedly disagreed. It couldn't have just been a coincidence that everyone he cared about was gone. "I am a shinobi. I will complete the mission, I will not put others at unnecessary risk. I am merely a tool-"

"Kakashi, I'm going to recommend you take on a team.''

Kakashi looked up. "Back in the ANBU?"

Ibiki shook his head. "No. Genin."

"You're kidding," Kakashi said as he looked at the interrogation, looking for some hint of a joke. "Ibiki-"

Ibiki's expression didn't falter, not that Kakashi had really expected it to. "You need to feel some sort of responsibility for people, a position where you are in control and they rely on you. People for you to protect and help grow into shinobi,'' Ibiki replied. "I've spoken to Gai, Asuma and Kurenai; they expressed concerns but agree that you are not the kind of ninja whom will be reckless and endanger the children.''

Kakashi wanted to deny what he was hearing, though he knew that as soon as Ibiki mentioned his plans to the third, they'd come to fruition. "They will die.''

Ibiki shook his head. "Not if you don't let them,'' Ibiki replied, his voice stern and resolute. "What were those words you like to say to your teams; you will not let your comrades die? You could like the kids.''

"Or kill them.''

Ibiki continued his gaze, not moving for a second to prove he was sure of his decision. "The return to lower ranked missions may help as well; there should be no assassinations for a while.''

"But-"

"Kakashi," Ibiki said clearly, the tone of his voice bringing Kakashi to immediate silence. "I have already spoken to the third-" Kakashi inwardly swore; this meant he'd have a team within the next few weeks definitely "-and he has already been looking through the prospective graduates with the help of Iruka. He has already decided whom will be in your team should they all pass their final exam."

Kakashi sighed. "Okay, okay," he said as he slowly got up. "Is that all?"

Ibiki nodded. "That is all. I will let you know if there's any more news about Meino.''

Kakashi shook his head. "I don't want to know. My portion of the mission is done,'' he said as he stood up and left. He was getting a genin team; those kids were screwed. He didn't know how to be slow or compassionate. He'd been dealing with S-Rank missions for ten years, probably more. When he was their age he was already coordinating his own teams on missions during the ninja world war.

For a man whom usually had great perception on how a situation will occur from a psychological standpoint, he'd gotten this one all wrong.

The first team were pathetic. Kakashi could stand there with his eyes closed, the three of them throwing everything they had at him, yet Kakashi had yet to hear the bells on his waist jingle even from the breeze. They refused to work together constantly insulting each other for getting in the way and blaming the others for their own mistakes.

So he failed them, simple as that. At first, it was assumed this decision seemed like Kakashi's denial of responsibility. Iruka had praised the students as being some of the brightest and yet Kakashi had unravelled them so far that the three ninja went back to the academy, seemingly disturbed and petrified of what would happen the next time they attempted to join a genin team.

The second team were worse; Kakashi had placed a scarecrow in the middle of the training field, watching as the students took all of three hours to work out Kakashi wasn't actually standing there. Then they spent the rest of the day looking for him, whilst he sat in a tree directly above their heads, reading his book. "Morons," he muttered under his breath, shortly before he gave up on the stupid game and failed them all too.

The third team had seemed hopeful; they started with teamwork but that quickly dissolved as soon as any real pressure was applied to the group. The moment Kakashi used a relatively simple genjutsu on them all to try and see which one would notice it first, the team began to attack each other and blame each other for losing the silver-haired ninja. Kakashi was forced to fail them. Again.

The fourth and fifth were much the same; there was no ambition to actually work with one another, showing their incompetence from the start. If he was going to have a team, he needed one he could rely on; one that showed potential not only as individuals, but as a group. Kakashi had wished his own teacher had been so strict with team building activities. Then Obito and Rin probably wouldn't have died.

Then, after a while, Kakashi was given a group that seemed so dysfunctional he was ready to fail them from their introductions. A blond-haired, noisy, idiotic fool, a ditzy yet actually intelligent pink-haired fangirl and a dark-haired boy hell-bent on revenge; if Kakashi hadn't already had pale hair, he'd swear he was going grey just listening to them.

He gave them a chance; it turned out there was actually some potential in the three of them. The blonde hair one had some interesting strategies, that was for sure, but some of them almost worked. He also had a strange resemblance to Obito, the same determination to prove himself as someone others could rely on. The girl was clever; she was definitely the most intelligent of the three of them. But she was so obsessed with her teenage crush she was going to be a liability to the team. Despite this, Kakashi could see the potential in her, not to mention she resembled Rin. The final one was like himself; hell-bent on being a powerful shinobi that follows the rules, detached from the others. He had the brains enough to coordinate teamwork but it didn't mean he did it for the team. No, he'd done it to benefit himself.

Essentially, he'd found his former team. He considered failing them just for the sake of his own sanity; who knew how he'd cope with watching history repeat itself. Instead, he realised he had an opportunity to prevent the repetition. He could teach them better, he could protect them. And so, for the first time, he passed the group. They were going to be his team. He told the third Hokage, hoping to receive some praise for finally doing as he'd been asked.

He was ordered to see Ibiki immediately.

* * *

 _ **Author's note:**_ _Poor Kakashi. Sorry for the delay! I'm sorry if it seems like it breezed over things; it was sort of meant to signify that the story was moving a little quicker now._


End file.
